The Very Secret Diaries of Bleach
by EKnappchan
Summary: A look inside the diaries kept by various Bleach characters. Rated T due to implied sexual content. Follows manga timeline from beginning to middle of Heco Mundo arch. May contain slight spoilers!
1. The Very Secret Diary of Byakuya Kuchiki

The Very Secret Diary of Byakuya Kuchiki  
Entry One:  
Hve recieved this diary as prize for winning "Second Most Beautiful Shinigami" Could have won first if not for little pink-haired brat's big friend. Must he ruin all my fun? I am still most beautiful. At least I don't have peacock feathers for eyelashes. Must go see Aizen. Wants to show me new sword trick.

Entry Two:  
Aizen's sword is sharp at both ends. Will not sit properly for a week. Little sister won't stop looking at me funny. Must find out how she gets hair so soft since mine is so frizzy.

Entry Three:  
Little sister off to kill Hollows. In meantime, sneaking into her bath to play in her big tub. No wonder she looks like a prune after a bath, but with great skin.

Entry Four:  
Brat of a sister gave some human her powers. Hope he's not prettier than me. Sad to have to send spiky hair guy to go get her. Then again he does refer to me as her in intimate moments, so all for the best. But will have to kill her. Sorry buddy.

Entry Five:  
Idiot human and cohorts broke into my town. Has big muscle guy, kid that looks like a priest and a girl with big boobs on his side. Sending everyone else to fight. Just figured out sister's hair secrets and don't want to mess it up.

Entry Six:  
Stupid idiot human beat up on big guy. Guess that means I have to care. Aizen found dead. Guess we will not be playing "What goes where?" tonight.

Entry Seven:  
Execution ruined by stupid human. He is pretty in a human sort of way. Big sword. Compensating?

Entry Eight:  
Had to pull out my pretty sword on the human. Big sword is definitely compensating. Will to live rather inspiring. Rather devoted to little sister. Shouldn't worry. She's more frigid than her sword. Aizen not dead. Just evil. Will miss his sword. But not Gin. Snotty brat stealing my man.

Entry Nine:  
Giant monsters in human world. Big boob girl is staying over. What do she and sister giggle about?

Entry Ten:  
Big boob girl got captured. Don't want to get involved. Just figured out little sister's hair straightener. Too mad at Aizen anyhow. He's probably trying to show how much of a man he is. Not impressed.

Entry Eleven:  
Little sister half dead. Guess I must care now. Be back soon.

This is my first time writing fanfic. Started with Byakuya as a warmup and will be doing other major characters. I give full credit to Tite Kubo for creating Bleach and whomever created the very secret diaries for Lord of the Rings as inspiration.


	2. The Very Secret Diary of Rukia Kuchiki

The Very Secret Diary of Rukia Kuchiki

Entry 1:

Caught big brother sneaking into my bath. Have threatened to dance him into an ice floe. Probably why I'm going to human world soon. At least I can get away from spiky red hair guy who keeps trying to confess undying love.

Entry 2:

Very bad day. Was seen by human who doesn't appreciate my art. Very orange hair. Accidentally gave him my powers, but he did kill Hollow. Very big sword. Compensating? Now living in his closet and preparing to go to school. Overall, FML.

Entry 3:

Spent entire day with school boys hitting on me. Wonder what they would do if they knew I'm old enough to be great-grandma. Hat and clogs must have done something to this gigai. Big-boob girl is nice. Reminds me of Captain Big-Boob, but sober. Also big guy of few words and priest kid rather pleasant.

Entry 4:

Have discovered most wonderful bunny who looks just like my drawings. Must figure out a way to get this at home. Orange hair guy is doing okay. Bit of a mommy complex though.

Entry 5:

Took a peek at orange hair guy as he dressed. Definitely compensating. Still rather cute. Must maintain "Kuchiki Ice Princess"

Entry 6:

Captured by spiky red hair guy. Finally didn't tell me he loved me for all eternity. Arrested me instead. FML.

Entry 7:

Prison not so bad. A little boring. At least no one's trying to put a hand up my kimono.

Entry 8:

Orange hair boy and friends broke into town. Blaming hat and clogs. I'll still die. No one gets past Ken-san.

Entry 9:

Got past Ken-san. And everyone else. On the bright side, if I live and go back to the human world, I can avoid spiky red hair guy and kill hat and clogs.

Entry 10:

Saved at last possible moment. Need to talk to him about why we don't make speeches when we are half dead. Big brother not happy. Probably because Aizen showed how much of a dick he is. Nobody treats me like a storage container. Looks like brother's been using my conditioner as well. Going back to human world.

Entry 11:

Giant monsters invading human world. Again. Big boob girl want to fight. I'll teach her. It's something to do. Besides, she tells funny stories about orange hair guy's pants falling off at inopportune moments.

Entry 12:

Big boob girl captured. Now I have to take spiky red hair guy, orange hair guy, man of few words and the priest to the desert. FML. Big brother all too happy to have me leave. Suspecting he may want to try on my wardrobe.


End file.
